Watch trailer here
Being the movie geek I like to think I am, I had of course, heard of ‘Grindhouse’ before Rodriguez and Tarantino even started shooting. In fact, I probably came up with the idea before they did. And, oh, the excitement of a genuine, cinema experience. An old-style double-bill, scratched and edited to make it like a real Grindhouse experience, with extras – four fake trailers, one by Rodriguez, with the other three created by Eli Roth (‘Saw’), Edgar Wright (’Spaced’, ‘Shaun of the Dead’, ‘Hot Fuzz’) and Rob Zombie (‘House of 1,000 Corpses’). It was going to be my movie event of 2007…
Until the American movie-going public ruined it. “But… there’s bits missing! Some of the scenes jump a bit! Those films aren’t real! I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaand!”
Sigh. They just didn’t get it, and the box office figures proved it. So, in what was possibly the worst idea since the last Matthew McCaughnahey film (or indeed, most Matthew McCaughnahey films, the man is a charm vacuum) the distributors decided to split the films up, put all the bits that had been edited out back in, and release them separately.
So, Tarantino’s half ‘Death Proof‘ came first and was derided by critics, most of whom, annoyingly seemed to have no idea, or if they did realise, certainly didn’t mention, that this was not the way the film was intended to be seen. Of course nothing happens for the three-quarters of an hour! About 25 minutes of that was supposed to have been cut out, and put on the DVD as extras that film geeks like me could then watch after seeing ‘Grindhouse’ and go “Oooh, so that’s why that bit happened like that, and that’s who asked to take their picture, etc, etc.” Okay, it could be argued that Tarantino should have just made the full-length version as good as the cut version, but reading reviews written by people who are actually PAID for their film knowledge, who clearly haven’t done the appropriate research, is rather demoralizing.
Anyhow, Grindhouse, Grindhouse, Griiiiiiiindhouse. Finally, I got a chance to see the full double bill, as it was meant to be seen, fake trailers and all. And for once, I was not disappointed.
First up – Fake trailer for Robert Rodriguez’s ‘Machete’ – although this shouldn’t really count as it has now been officially greenlit! This trailer is a real scene-setter for what’s to come – it’s grainy, it’s violent, it’s got lots of tits in it (”Where are my wife and daughter?!”) and it’s got some of the cheesiest dialogue this side of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Basically it reeeeeeeeeks of exploitation. But not the bad kind. The fun kind.
Then, to the first half of the double bill – Robert Rodriguez’s ‘Planet Terror’. This really reminded me of movies my older brothers would watch in the latter half of the 80s, when I really probably should have been in bed. (Not in the 80s, just at night). Butch men with big guns spout unbelievable lines infront of huge explosions. However, ‘Planet Terror’ knows exactly what it is, and where it’s coming from – the tongue is firmly in cheek, even if the body count isn’t in check.
Though ‘Planet Terror’ is extremely violent, it is designed to be cartoonish and unrealistic (much like many of the low budget Grindhouse pictures that inspired Tarantino and Rodriguez in the first place). Tellingly, the moment in the fim which got the most audible audience reaction is a broken wrist, and an accidental one at that.
Though he doesn’t direct this installment, Tarantino features in the cast. You can almost imagine the conversation – “Rooooooooooobert, I wanna be in your movie too!”
- “Quentin, isn’t it enough that you’re directing the other movie and have given yourself a part in that?”
- “NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wanna be in both, wanna be in BOTH, WANNA BE IN BOTH!!”
- “FINE! You can be a rapey soldier/zombie whose penis melts off! Happy?”
Under closer examination, ‘Planet Terror’ does actually have a bit of politics mixed in there too. The soldiers who begin the movies zombie infestation do so because they have been inhaling the monster-making gas themselves, and need to find a cure before they are irrevocably changed. How did they get exposed? Cos on their last tour in Afghanistan they just happened to come across Big Osama Bin Laden, who created the original virus. The squadron leader (played by Bruce Willis) kills him, but not before Big Bin sprays them all with the noxious fumes he was intending to use to wipe out everyone in America, the rapscallion. However, by the end of the film, the remaining survivors have been forced to start a new civilization in Mexico, as thanks to the soldiers (who, having killed the most wanted man in the world, should have been heroes) the rest of America is now a great big zombie playground, just like Osama would have wanted.
Then, more fake trailers. First up – ‘Werewolf Women of the SS’ by Rob Zombie, featuring Nicholas Cage as Fu Manchu. Apparently Rob Zombie filmed about 30 minutes worth of material for this, and then got pissy about having to cut it down. One has to ask what he expected. This is probably the least enjoyable of all the trailers – it’s not bad, the others are just better. Zombie’s effort is the only one not currently being considered as a real movie option as far as I am aware. Rumour has it that ‘Grindhouse 2′ could be in the pipe-line, and the last two ‘fake’ trailers (getting less fake by the minute) could be the features.
The first is ‘Don’t!’ by Edgar Wright. Many familiar faces appear in this British horror spoof trailer, with everyone from The League of Gentlemen to Katie Melua lining up for the slaughter. In keeping with the tradition of many past trailers for British B-movies, the voiceover is done by an American and there is no character dialogue in the trailer. This was traditionally done to hide the fact the film was British from an American audience, as this was statisticly proven to put US audiences off.
Then there’s ‘Thanksgiving’ by Eli Roth (who also has a small part in ‘Death Proof’). True to Roth’s form, this looks like it’ll be a really nasty one if it ever does get released. Two words – ‘knife’ and ‘trampoline.’ Not clear enough for you? How about I throw in ‘cheerleader doing the splits’? Yeah, you’re there. Another collective intake of breath for the audience.
Then on to ‘Death Proof’, my favourite half of ‘Grindhouse.’ Kurt Russell plays ‘Stuntman Mike’, a psycho who likes to stalk and kill women with his death-proof car. Although slow to start, when the action starts it REALLY starts. They should show the first car crash scene in this movie to kids applying for their licenses, it’s pretty damn graphic. After I saw it the first time I had to walk home from the cinema alone through city centre streets, and found myself VERY aware of all the cars around me.
Stuntwoman Zoe Bell plays herself in this film, having worked for Tarantino before as Uma Thurmans double in ‘Kill Bill’. (Monica Staggs, who doubled for Daryl Hannah in ‘Kill Bill’ also has a part in ‘Death Proof’. She plays the weed dealer, Lanna Frank. Later on in the film, Rosario Dawson’s character also makes reference to a man she is interested in, sleeping with Daryl Hannahs stuntdouble.) While some people have slagged off Bells acting talents I actually think she’s very good in ‘Death Proof’ especially considering she isn’t a professional actress, and has been given the notorious Tarantino dialogue to work with. I have to say though, a massive part of me want to BE Zoe Bell, she’s that damned cool. The last sequence, where she’s clinging on to the hood of a car for dear life was filmed over a number of days, any of which could have been her last had she lost her grip, or if the car had lost control. Balls. Of. Steel.
Russell is fantasticly frightening as ‘Stuntman Mike’ – even though you know he’s a mental case underneath his exterior you can’t help warming to him at first, which makes the change in pace when he reveals his true nature all the more jarring.
There is also some crossover of characters between the two movies, with Dakota, her father and The Crazy Babysitter Twins from ‘Planet Terror’ appearing briefly in ‘Death Proof.’ Though ‘Grindhouse’ is constructed so that we see ‘Planet Terror’ first, it becomes apparent that parts of ‘Death Proof’ takes place near the same town the audience have just watched being ravaged by zombies, so this means that cronologically ‘Death Proof’ must come first (well, obviously. Stuntman Mike would probably have found his maiming and killing of women would have had to take a sideline in a zombie-filled world. Or perhaps not…). Sharp-eared watchers of ‘Planet Terror’ also get a clue as to the fate of one of ‘Death Proof’s characters via a radio announcement.
However, for me, the true star of ‘Death Proof’ is the soundtrack. I felt Quentin had lost his magic musical touch a little with the ‘Kill Bill’ soundtracks, but here we’re back to all killer. An especially ironic use of Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch’s ‘Hold Tight’ is a stand out moment. If you wanna see the lapdance performed to ‘Down in Mexico’ by The Coaster’s though, you’re gonna have to buy the DVD as this is on the ‘missing reel.’ Rodriguez also uses the missing reel technique in ’Planet Terror’ to keep cinema audiences guessing as to the mysterious past of Freddy Rodriguez’s (no relation) El Wray. It’s cheeky, but easily forgivable.
GO AND SEE THIS – THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN.
Anyone wanna play Ship’s Mast?
Agree? Disagree? All comments welcome!
