Watch trailer here
…or How Many Lazy American Movie Stereotypes Can You Fit Into An Hour and a Half? WARNING: THIS FILM THINKS OF ITSELF AS BEING MUCH BETTER THAN IT ACTUALLY IS – and is for people who want to feel a lot smarter than they actually are. If you thought ‘Identity’ was a whip-smart psychological thriller, then do not read on, cos you’ll love ‘Vantage Point’.
I think that in the second or third week of a movie’s release, if it isn’t doing too well, the production house involved sometimes pay people to go out to pubs, wait til the occupants are good and drunk, and then whisper little suggestions in their ears. “Go and see Vantage Point…” they coo. “I know, it looks like it’ll be rubbish but I saw it and I was quite pleasantly surprised…”
Vaguely remembering that someone had said this to me, and also the fact that it was the only movie starting that late one quiet Saturday night led me, the fool, to part with my money.
Firstly, it’s one of those “interconnecting lives becoming enmeshed by amazing coincidences!” type films. These films have always annoyed me for one very big reason. There is no such thing as “a coincidence” in the world of the fiction film. It’s not a coincidence, it’s how the author wrote it. Forgive me if I’m not falling over with amazement – “What, you mean all the characters end up being linked in some way that results in a meaningful dialogue and satisfactory conclusions?! That’s CRAZY!!!” It’s film-making by Fisher Price. P.T. Anderson just about made it acceptable in ‘Magnolia’ by beginning the film with examples of ‘real-life’ coincidences, although it has to be said, ‘Magnolia’ is one of those films you see when you’re eighteen and think is great, then watch again in your mid-twenties (usually, of course, with another person you’ve just spent ages telling how good it is) and suddenly realise is actually a bit crap. However, I would imagine that even the average eighteen year old tree would see Vantage Point for the pile of overblown ‘God Bless America’ pish it so truly, truly is.
The premise is reasonable enough. The President of the US is making a speech at a packed rally in Spain when he is shot. The actual timescale of the film is just over 20 minutes, but we see those 20 minutes from the point of view of several different characters, allowing you to put together WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. So far, so interesting. Unfortunately they start hitting us with the cliches from the get-go.
First up, we have Sigourney Weaver as the female power journalist. One of her reporters in the field throws in a token “Hey, maybe America isn’t that popular with some of them foreigners?!” line, just to get the audience feeling clever (”Hey! Maybe that is true! I was POLITICAL today!”). The reporter is chastised for this, needlessly of course, as the laws of the American Patriot Movie dictate that she will soon be dead. Sure enough, one bomb blast later and she’s off.
Then we have Dennis Quaid, the Secret Service guy who’s, wait for it… On his first day back on the job after having been shot saving the President. And, yes, of course, nobody’s really sure if he should be back yet, what if he freaks out? Maybe he should just have retired..? At this point if you have ever seen basically ANY action movie EVER, you know fine well who our hero is going to be.
One character that’s slightly trickier to work out is that of Matthew Fox, as the secret service guy saying “Hey guys, why not give Dennis Quaid a break? I believe in him.” As, I said, only slightly tricker as there are now TWO potential end points for this character instead of one. Character arc one – Matthew Fox dies in Dennis Quaid’s arms, making Dennis even more determined to catch the Bad Men. Character arc two – Matthew Fox is one of the Bad Men. Ooooooooh, my head is positively spinning with the possibilities.
Now we have Forrest Whitaker, who for some reason is playing the part of the token black American. Whittaker is a recently seperated man who seems to be trying to fill the void left by his wife and children by wandering around Spain like a spastic with a video camera. His relationship with a Spanish child is probably meant to be the ‘heart’ of the piece, but to be honest, it was all so predictable and hokey it made me wish the writer had gone all ‘The Woodsman’ on our asses and made Whitakers character a tortured paedophile – THAT would perhaps have kept my interest.
It is also during Whitakers section of the film that we are first introduced to The Arabic Guy. Doesn’t he seem charming? Isn’t he being awfully nice? Well, just you wait! The director has a BIG surprise for you! You see, turns out, the only Arabic person in this film, who seems really nice to begin with, only turns out to be one of them terrorists! It’s one of those, “if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry” things and to be frank it really didn’t make me feel much like laughing. Yes, the makers of the film will argue that he is just one of a group of terrorists, the rest of whom are white. Big Whoop, I say, given that he is the only Arab character in the film, and the good guys are also white. Well done Saïd Taghmaoui for acting in a role that completely reinforces every stereotype believed by white supremacists around the world, hope it was worth it! Oh no wait, it really wasn’t.
Aaaaaaaanyhoo, on to some of the other things that really annoyed me about this film.
1. During the aftermath of a terrorist attack, I’d imagine it being nigh on impossible to track one specific police car through the streets of a large Spanish city. Not only does Dennis Quaid manage this relatively easy, they also manage to have a car chase.
2. After being battered and drugged by terrorists, the President is out for about 2 minutes before his hand is flexing and gripping the sheet underneath the gurney he’s been strapped to, and oh say can you see… HE’S UP AND KICKING SOME TERRORIST BUTT. Spare me.
3. We are expected to believe that terrorist Arab guy, having just shot a man and killed hundreds of others by detonating a bomb in a public place, will swerve the van he is driving (a van containing the kidnapped President, who he needs to continue his undoubtably diabolical plan) to avoid the aforementioned little Spanish girl. Yeah, that would totally happen, even hardened jihaders can’t resist a well-braided pigtail.
Then, the final scene where the magic of coincidence brings the President and Dennis Quaid together to share a manly hug. The only thing that could have saved ‘Vantage Point’ for me by this stage would have been if the manly hug had kept going, just a little longer than would make the average man comfortable. Dennis and the Pres then pull back, and look at each other as though they’re only seeing each other for the very first time, and can you Adam and Steve it, some full on tongue action commences.
Needless to say that didn’t happen.
Am I being unduly harsh? Tell me what you thought…
